The Joyful Housewife

I’ve been having a rough few weeks. As you may know, depression runs in my family, and it’s something I struggle with from time to time. I’m managing it well and I’m a positive thinker (you may find that hard to believe when you read the rest of this post!) but still I struggle at times. Currently, I’m just feeling run down and fatigued. This has been the year of small illnesses for me, and my body and mind need time to recover. I’ve been cutting back on bad behaviors (no more glasses of wine with and after dinner, and no more venti cappuccinos) and when I start perking up again, I’m gonna go bananas on that Clutter Kick 2010!

For now, I want to share with you my deepest held opinions. Some of which I’ve always meant to blog about, and in some cases have already, and some of which I never intended to reveal on here. Case in point, number one:

I am pro-abortion. Yep, I think all women should have at least one. Kidding! But I can get really angry about the pro-life/pro-choice dichotomy. For anti-abortionists to call themselves pro-life implies that all of us people who think it ain’t nobody’s business what a woman chooses to do with her body are, what? pro-death? pro-abortion? Furthermore, I hope you all realize that abortion is just a ruse to cover up way more important issues going on in government during elections. That’s what really gets my goat.

I don’t believe that Autism is caused by immunization shots. From what I’ve read, there was only one research study done that made that connection between the two, and it was later proven false (I’m making a bold assertion here, I’ll hunt around for the sources to support my statement if necessary). Second, Autistic children tend to develop normally for many months to a few years before they start to show signs of autism, so if your child suddenly appears to be autistic after a shot - it wasn’t the shot - it was happening already.

I don’t believe in raw food diets. Sure, we shouldn’t cook our vegetables to mush, or eat charred foods, but as Alton Brown points out (this, according to my husband) cooking begins the breakdown process of some foods, which aids in digestion and absorption of nutrients. This invention allowed humans to spend less time preparing and digesting food.

I do believe in slow food. Just because I like that cooking helps me digest food and that it speeds up the process of preparing palatable foods, doesn’t mean I’m against spending time in the kitchen making food a an integral part of culture. Ironically, we don’t spend enough time on food in America. We were not made to eat pseudo-food while running from one commitment to the next. Food should be a focal point for relaxing and bonding with families. We should eat whole, organic, local foods, and make more things from scratch.

I don’t believe in factory and industrial farming. I’m thrilled that the “Green” movement is finally catching up with this and other environmental and social facts, but I’ve known this stuff was harmful for our bodies and the world since I was twelve. Why is is so difficult for people to think critically about what goes on around them? Once agriculture became big business, we were all screwed. Remember the four food groups?! We were told that milk products should be one quarter of our diet and that all meat products should comprise another quarter! Connected to this:

I don’t believe that humans should drink cow’s milk or that we need as much protein as we’ve been lead to believe. Look, I love cheese and yogurt. But as for drinking glass upon glass of milk. That’s just BS. We are told that we need the calcium in milk, yet cows milk has other stuff (that’s a scientific term) which actually prevents the absorption of that calcium! Leave it for the baby cows.

I believe that savers are losers. The American dollar is losing value faster than you can earn 5% interest on it. Poor and middle class people in America must pay taxes that rich investors are exempt from. The only way to get ahead in our economy is to play the game. You must be an entrepreneur and, or real estate investor if you want your money to grow and to be free from the very real fear of not having enough to retire on.

I believe that marijuana should be legalized. Get over it. It’s a plant. Sure people shouldn’t drive, or work while on it, but they shouldn’t be driving or working while drunk either. Alcohol is far more dangerous to our bodies and lives than marijuana. Plus, marijuana has been proven to help people manage the pain of chronic or terminal illnesses where other medications have failed. Alcohol can’t do that, in fact it causes deaths, but it is legal.

Finally, as I’ve said on here before: I think that it’s a load of crap that woman can have successful careers and be successful mothers. Society isn’t set up to support that yet. Yes, we can go out and succeed in the career world, but not often with kids. With kids, women take hits in pay and seniority that men with children do not. Some women are very successful. Often they have family money and advantages to begin with. But the 10% of high achieving career women do not represent the capabilities of all women. I, myself, do not have the constitution to fight this battle. So, go to work while your babies are young! “Stay home” for several years - or forever - I don’t care! But stop spreading the lie that woman have attained equality in the workplace. Things are changing, yes - we are even starting to see men “stay at home.” But it ain’t finished yet, and it’s a choice in which each woman must balance the sacrifices for herself. We cannot have, or do, it all.

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In which I discuss my hopes for the New Year, our upcoming move to the country, and ponder the reasons that I eat seafood, but not land animals.

This is the animal that sparked this post: The Large Black Pig, an endangered, heritage breed. I don’t eat them myself, but I do acknowledge that one of the ways to support these heritage breeds is to support the farms that breed them - by eating them!

This pic is from the blog for Eversfield Organic; it shows how cute these pigs can be. Click to visit their website.

I’m not one of those crazy vegetarians or vegans who freaks out if a bit of cooked meat touches anything that might go into her mouth and spouts diatribes at fellow diners as they are biting into their perfectly cooked steaks and burgers. In fact, I’m not even a vegetarian proper (the word for me would be something like lacto-ovo-pescotarian, because I eat dairy products, eggs, and creatures of the sea. I just don’t eat mammals - those that walk the land and have feathers or fur or wallow in mud (I haven’t eaten any of these animals in 18 years, and I show no signs of doing so for the next 18).

Why am I even bringing this up?
Well hubby and I have been very excited about our upcoming move to a small town on the Eastern slope of Colorado. We have been living in Denver for the past three years and love it here, but he has received an unbelievable offer to work in Montrose, CO,  and we feel that we cannot turn it down.

Our days are now spent listing all the ways our lives will change for the better in Montrose. The name of our future town has become for us a short-hand for all of our hopes, dreams, and New Year’s resolutions. We will eat better and exercise in Montrose. We will have a dishwasher! We will be able to hang our clothes out to dry, instead of using the energy wasting dryer. We will have a yard for our old dog to run freely in (without annoying any cranky neighbors). We will finally buy bikes and be able to ride them in town without worrying about getting run over! We will hike! We will ski! We may try out fly fishing! We will bake our own bread! And most importantly, we will have an amazing garden and start canning an preserving our harvest for the winter months!

Life will be perfect in Montrose!

Now, I’m not flaky: I am ever the tiresome realist. I know that moving is not a panacea for all our shortcomings and that each of these changes will take conscious effort on our part. It’s just hard not to let our excitement propel us forward through the short, dark days of winter, when we get up before the sun does. After we got over all the anxiety about moving from a great city, which offers tons of culture and bustle, restaurants and parks, we began to see all the positives.

We won’t have to fight traffic ever again! We will have the opportunity to have as much land as we want along with a nicely sized house for the same money that would limit us to a two bedroom house with nary a yard in Denver. We will have a two car garage again to keep snow off our cars. We will have a country garden, with tomatoes, herbs, and all sorts of veggies and fruit trees, without having neighbors fighting us for gardening space. The list goes on and on. For every worry that we have, there are several reasons why this move is an opportunity of a lifetime for us.

Enter the Hobby Farm dream. It turns out there are a collection of Popular Farm magazines about every aspect of living off the land on a “hobby farm.” A hobby farm derives its name from the fact that you won’t be able to make any real money off of your animals and produce. You will be able to provide for yourself, and sell a bit of the extra, but it ain’t gonna make you rich or even support you as a sole income.
I’ve been devouring the pages of these magazines, dreaming of all the ways I can expand my skills and interests to cultivate a gigantic vegetable garden and even have cute little farm animals! This isn’t so far fetched for me. I spent summers on my godfather’s farm, and even though he didn’t have any animals other than ponies, my neighbor friends did.

Our husband and wife comedy routine commences daily as I show him pics of heritage farm animals and say, “Get ready, babe, we’re gonna have chickens next year.” And he responds, “Like hell, we are!”
He just doesn’t see it yet. But he’ll come around. I’m kidding, I know I haven’t the discipline to shovel animal manure and chicken droppings every day - but I like to stretch my imagination to try the idea on for size once in a while. Lord knows he does the same thing. His latest dream, after we plant the orchard and the grapes for making our own wine, is olives. He’d love to find a strain of olives that would actually grow in Colorado and make his own olive oil. Now who’s the crazy one!

Anyway, the real reason for this long post is my disbelief, after looking at all the cute pics of farm animals, that anyone would actually want to eat them! The magazine boasts the docile, friendly, and loving nature of these animals, and in the same breath mentions how tasty their meat is! I know you’re not supposed to name them and all that, but for me that would be the whole point. I wouldn’t want cute black pigs, and funny goats for meat, but for outdoor pets! To give me a laugh and brighten my day and remind me that there is beauty and life in this world outside of my head.

So then why is it okay for me to eat fish and cute little lobsters (which purportedly hold claws with each other and mate for life!)? I’ll leave that for all to ponder and perhaps answer it in the future because this post has become so long it might grow it’s own feathers and fur! Just let me leave you with the knowledge that I’m not entirely bothered by the idea that it might be hypocritical to eat some living creatures and not others. I never said I was perfect.

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Just as I think honesty in marriage is important, so do I appreciate honesty from mothers about how difficult it can be to hold it all together sometimes. I just read a nice article in an Australian Woman’s Online Newspaper (Australian Women Online, AWO) about a woman who got a book deal out of being honest, and then started a career in which she helps other women learn to make their lives easier. The woman is Emma Grey and her book is called Wits’ End Before Breakfast: Confessions of a Working Mum.

Here is what she says about her book:

“I’ve had a lot of feedback from women who found it sheer relief to have someone ‘tell it like it is’ about parenting. I think there’s a conspiracy of silence sometimes – mums struggling behind closed doors while putting on a ‘public face’ that everything’s fine – and that’s not always helpful for the rest of us.”

“We’re out to prove something that isn’t congruent with ‘real life’,” Grey admits, “Rather than say, ‘I’m a mum, and I have a career, so can’t do too much more than that’, we say, ‘I’m a mum, I have a career, and I’m volunteering in the tuckshop, signing up for the ballet concert sewing bee, joining the P&C, cleaning the house myself, baking the birthday cake from scratch and wearing knee-high boots because it’s quicker than waxing. And if someone calls, needing something, I’ll probably say yes before they’ve finished asking the question… because we can have it all, damn it!’”

I love that kind of honesty! We should all share our stories of difficulties in life. I value my sister’s input about mothering because she is honest. She has told me that as much as she thought since she was a little girl that her sole purpose in life was to have babies, she found motherhood to be completely unnatural. She says it’s not all roses but it’s worth it.

Likewise, I think that working mothers need to talk about just how fricking hard it is to manage motherhood and a career. I’ll be honest; I absolutely do not want to work when my babies are young. Women of my generation have been raised to think that it is wrong not to have a job and I hate that we think that we have to work like a man in order to have a career. I am inspired by women like Emma Grey, who can turn their lives and passions into a career. There are other ways to earn money besides a 9 to 5 (which is often much more like 7 to 7 or worse) and we owe it to women everywhere to come up with these ways and spread the word.

Whew! Sorry for the rant!

My point is that we should be honest with each other about our messy houses and our struggles to “juggle ninety balls a day while dropping eighty*.” We should allow our friends to see us as we are. When we allow ourselves to admit that it’s difficult to do all the things we think we are supposed to be doing, we allow other women to make the decision not to take on too much. Right?!

* Credit for this line goes to Tania McCartney of AWO, whose article I liked so much.

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Must what always be this hard, you ask? Um, life! Yeah, life is a big, old, suck-fest.

It’s always something and I’m perpetually learning ways to cope. As you may know, I’m prone to depression, dysfunctionalism, and I like to mix my optimism with a healthy dose of “realism” and helplessness. But I’m always trying.

And, yes, it’s been a long, hard summer. I’m back to teaching again and we’ve recently gone on a Colorado mini-vacation during Tim’s most recent week off. Unfortunately, I forgot to charge my camera before we left. I’ve been really trying to loosen up and not make a big deal out of things.I packed my bag in 10 minutes without giving it as much obsessive thought as I usually do (although we did have to turn back to grab my meds) but the result was a useless, dead camera. I didn’t let it get me down though - we made the best of it with my Palm Centro and his iPhone and I’ll try to post more of our beautiful photos soon.

Below are some picks of a hike near Crested Butte. We tried to coax Casey, the pooper, into crossing a stream on his own, but he whimped out.

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Image via New York Times, Feb. 22, Fashion & Style

A couple of weeks ago my husband passed me an article from the New York Times (Martha, Oprah … Gwyneth?) as we relaxed together that evening. He likes to show me articles that he thinks I’ll be interested in to turn me on to the Sunday New York Time. I do share his joy over the the Sunday paper, it’s just that, these days, I’ve usually got stacks and stacks of books which I’m trying to get through for my blog….These things take time.

Anyway, I have ambiguous feelings about Gwyneth Paltrow, which have recently swung towards the positive end since I finally rented Sylvia from the library. Her performance was so good, I couldn’t help but have warm feelings toward her, despite her many differences from me (I just like to relate to people). 

And yet, I shy away from people who are born privileged with the slender physique that money can buy. People who have homes in the Hamptons and London and talk about the Kabbala, fasting and detoxification, and such New Agey stuff as “the Inner Aspect.” 

Here’s how the Times introduced her new website:

The enterprise attracting the most media sniping right now? Goop.com, a lifestyle Web site and e-mail introduced in September that hits subscribers’ in-boxes on Thursdays with tips like “police your thoughts” and “eliminate white foods.” The site’s name is derived from Ms. Paltrow’s initials, and its slogan, “Nourish the Inner Aspect,” positions it deeply in the New Age realm. 

As the current model for Tod’s, the Italian luxury brand, she looks at home lounging around like Grace Kelly — outdoorsy and to the manner born. It seems that despite several lowbrow films, an aura of pleasant and tasteful hauteur remains. So why is she suddenly on TV giving dieting and fitness tips, backing a gym, writing a cookbook and an online newsletter full of shopping advice, kabbalistic musings and discussion of the Master Cleanse?

See? You would think I would hate that! My husband had fun reading aloud snippets from the NYT criticism and from her website itself and we chuckled over it together, but when he was at work, late the next day, I found myself sneaking onto her site (and then telling him about it later for a laugh.) 

And although she’s been criticized for her recommended reading list (which was compared to a high school reading list) and for her banana nut muffin recipe - “Does the world really need another banana muffin recipe?” asks Beth Wareham, in the NYT article. (Actually, I haven’t yet noticed said muffin recipe. There was a recipe for buckwheat and banana pancakes, which I found interesting because they lacked milk and eggs - and because the buckwheat crépes I’ve had at our favorite Crépere are really good!) And even though her travel sections firmly espouse a certain class level of which I’m not a part, as when recommends places to eat and stay in Paris and talks about being taken there by her father for a weekend getaway when she was a kid. And even though her holiday shopping guide include things like women’s watches for over $1,000 - well despite all that, I still kind of like it!

I like it’s simplicity (and yes, it has been compared to Real Simple magazine). The layout and photographs are calming. Her food sections are really my favorite and give me the hope that someday I’ll enjoy cooking for my family - which is the premise of a new cookbook she is working on. Most of all, her menu for a one week detox (something I don’t actually believe in) provides a healthier alternative to the fasting that is so popular and actually looks good! I’m not a dieter, but I’m always longing to find something which will inspire me to break out of my bad habits and make me feel clean and fresh and energized so that I can begin to live a healthier lifestyle from now and into the future. 

So check it out and tell me what you think of it.

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I’ve really fallen off the cooking wagon. I guess I’m just incredibly overwhelmed. I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night and I’m having chronic tension headaches. My headaches are confined to the muscles of my scalp - for those of you who aren’t sure if there really are muscles up there, I assure you - they’re there! I suppose this is an improvement over the excruciating jaw that pain I used to get when I let stress overtake me, but it’s still no fun. I think I need a new pillow.

Moving on, I was up in the night again tossing and turning and I felt really overwhelmed by life.

Wait, before I regale you with the thoughts that press on me in the night, let me continue with the original purpose of this post: I want to start cooking again. I’ve found a couple of recipes on new blogs (new to me) that I’m interested in trying. 

Tico Tilapia with Gallo Pinto, by My Sphere of Domesticity ~This one is nice because fish is the only meat I eat, but I need courage to buy it and cook it. It helps to know that others are doing it too.

Cake aux Olives et au Jambon, by Dedene of Soyez le Bienenvenue Chez Moi, in yesterday’s post: How much do I hate housework?, ~ I like this because it’s a quick bread and has olives in it. I’ve been craving olive bread. Don’t eat ham though….

So I’ll be sure and let you know if I ever, ever make these dishes. (Let’s hope so.)

Back to my insomniac worries. It’s always something you know? We’ve gotten two tickets in the past two days because I didn’t realize that my car registration was expired. ARGH! (Now we are cleverly parking the car in back of our house where the cops can’t see it, take that! - We used to park there all the time until we realized that we would rather park on the street and avoid our crummy neighbors, than park in our shared lot.) We already have stupid bills that we shouldn’t even owe, because try as I might, I just can’t NOT get screwed over by phone and cable companies! They hate me! The bills are just growing and growing and I’m not working full time….

But then I decided I’m not going to let this defeated feeling drag me down. One thing I’ve learned in life, that I find hard to remember, is that life is equally horrible and wonderful at the same time all the time. It’s really your choice which side of it to see. 

So I choose to bring my self back up! I choose to believe that life is really very easy! I mean, I get to wake up most days and choose what to do with my day. The whole bill thing is simple, really - start paying them off! Spending money on bills doesn’t have to feel this terrible. I can apply myself and work out a budget, I do have a master’s degree for goodness sake!

And on that note. I don’t have to feel dragged down about the state of my kitchen, or the fact that I don’t cook anymore. I choose to be positive. I’m going to clean and I’m going to cook….someday.

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I’ve been bad again, not blogging the way I thought I would when I started this adventure. And the day is so incredibly sunny, so unbelievable, that part of me wanted to feel upset about the state of my house. This should be a day where I open up every window and let the air flow through my sparkling domain. But it ain’t gonna happen today, and I’m not going to allow myself to get upset about it. Yes, that part keeps tugging at me: that part of me that is embarrassed and feels guilty about the pile of dishes, the insane pile of mail, the shoes that are overtaking every inch of the downstairs, the crumby, spilled-upon countertops, the fact that I’ve not mopped my kitchen floor once since we’ve moved in. Not once! (We’ll talk more about that in another post.)

I’m not going to bother being upset by the way air flowing through the house might just be spreading the dust and filth around. Anyway, it’s bad. The house is bad. I couldn’t possibly entertain a guest that might stop by - I’d have to grab my purse and recommend that we go down the street for coffee. And what if my landlord stops by to pick up her mail??? (The pieces of her mail that I have been collecting since Christmas! and that I can’t find because they’re spread out in numerous piles throughout the downstairs.) 

But I’m choosing to ignore all that, because I want to relax outside in this healing sunshine for awhile, and then I’ve got a ton of school work to do, so I’m not going to waste my day trying to  clean the awful, awful house. I’m hoping that after taking care of myself so beautifully and getting some schoolwork done, I’ll be able to pour a glass of wine this evening, turn up the music and tackle the house once more. 

And here is the reason why that just might work: This is the first day my husband has been on call for a couple of months, meaning he’s not coming home tonight, meaning, I can have an unconventional, answer-to-nobody-but-myself day today. I can eat cottage cheese and fruit for dinner and then tackle the dish pile, instead of making more dishes by cooking. So, I choose to have hope today - that I will get to the bottom of it all eventually - just not right at this moment - when the breezy  air is tinkling in my neighbors wooden wind chimes and  it feels like a day to be spent poolside - at the beginning of March!

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Note to self: When you get in your car and it veers to the left or right when you start driving, you most likely have a flat tire! Pull over immediately and check all tires. 

Photo via PopularMechanics

On my way to work today, the above happened. I quickly called my husband, who I knew would just be ariving back at work after his lunch break and asked, “Did you notice that my steering alignment is all @%#$ up and veers to the right?” (Pardon my French, my adrenaline was surging and I was fighting the urge to panic - Oh no, not my car!!!!) Well, he didn’t realize that veering to the side means you have a flat tire either, so I ended up driving it just long enough before pulling over to ruin the tire completely. I almost bucked up and changed it myself - I know it isn’t that hard - but I was missing part of the jack, the part that cranks around and basically makes it work.

So, here I am a couple of hours later, after help from the Principal of my school; two new tires, and too much money spent.

And, I’m still obsessed with the name of my blog. This Joyful Housewife name just won’t do for me if I’m not the only blogger with that name. I wonder: How can I still be unique, yet still advertise my fascination with all things housewife?

Hey you out there, every woman should know how to change a flat tire, so here are two sites you might want to review:

PopularMechanics: Saturday Mechanic

eHow: How to Change a Flat Tire

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I don’t  like the name of my blog - I want so badly to change it. Despite my careful research before I named the blog, I’ve discovered that I’m not the only The Joyful Housewife blog, and that’s a bummer. I wish I had chosen something more catchy for the title my blog, such as Modern Hausfrau. That’s nice isn’t it? I’ve been brainstorming for days, trying to come up with:

• something better
• something clever
• something that I won’t be embarrassed of or defensive about when I tell people about my blog (a major problem for me now)
• something that won’t make me lose my readers

But, I’m picky about aesthetics and I love the way my title looks:

The Joyful Housewife

I love the way the J and the Y and the H and the two Fs look. They make a nicely balanced shape

And, strange as it sounds to most people, I’m a synesthete (I perceive letters, numbers and words to have colors),  so for me the title has a pleasant peachy hue.

The Joyful Housewife

So…I guess I’ll keep the name for now.

And, in case you’re wondering, this is roughly how i see my alphabet:

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Here are some other interesting synesthesia websites:

The Synesthetic Experience

The Synesthesia Battery

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Okay, I confess:

1. I’m not a real housewife.

2. I’m envious of mommy bloggers.

3. I never did change that smoke alarm battery!! (So put me down for 20 points, thank you.)

Sometimes I feel left out of this whole housewife - homemaker genre in which I choose to write. I feel left out because I’m not yet a mother and therefore not a mommy blogger. What’s more, (yes, I’ll admit it!) I’m not even a true housewife. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I earn money working both from in and outside of the home. I don’t even know what a true housewife is. But I’m obsessed with the concept and always have been.

As you may remember I grew up in a home with a single mother who worked all the time. I never thought I’d get married and I vowed that I’d never, ever, serve my husband if I did - doing dishes and cooking meals and all that. Normal ( I’m not supposed to be using this word) families always made me uncomfortable, both at my friends’ homes in Southern California, and when I spent summers in rural Iowa. I hated the way men spoke to their wives - I was often outraged by the way Ricki treated Lucy on my favorite childhood show.

But then I matured and I met my wonderful husband (who enjoys cooking - score!) and I started allowing myself to dream about the future I’d like to have. Now I’m in a place I never imagined I’d be and I want the future to be even better.

And that means having a nice home.

I’ve spent half of my life feeling displaced and lonely because my family, both immediate and extended, live so spread out over this humongous country, and I hope to “get it together” enough to mitigate that fact someday. As in, I’d like to be able to entertain any company that should happen to pass through our lovely city, and I’d like to have our finances in order enough that we can travel to our various family members’ homes a couple times a year. And I want my home to be clean and uncluttered and to FEEL like home.

That being said, I hate housecleaning! (And I resent the fact that I’m the one who seems to be in charge of it.) I only moderately enjoy cooking. I go crazy when I’m not working outside the home - but I plan to work as little as possible at jobs other than creating a nice home when I do have children. I’m generally lazy, apathetic, and often overwhelmed about the state of my house. But I swear to all things holy, I’m going to figure this whole homemaking thing out!

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