The Joyful Housewife

In which I discuss my hopes for the New Year, our upcoming move to the country, and ponder the reasons that I eat seafood, but not land animals.

This is the animal that sparked this post: The Large Black Pig, an endangered, heritage breed. I don’t eat them myself, but I do acknowledge that one of the ways to support these heritage breeds is to support the farms that breed them - by eating them!

This pic is from the blog for Eversfield Organic; it shows how cute these pigs can be. Click to visit their website.

I’m not one of those crazy vegetarians or vegans who freaks out if a bit of cooked meat touches anything that might go into her mouth and spouts diatribes at fellow diners as they are biting into their perfectly cooked steaks and burgers. In fact, I’m not even a vegetarian proper (the word for me would be something like lacto-ovo-pescotarian, because I eat dairy products, eggs, and creatures of the sea. I just don’t eat mammals - those that walk the land and have feathers or fur or wallow in mud (I haven’t eaten any of these animals in 18 years, and I show no signs of doing so for the next 18).

Why am I even bringing this up?
Well hubby and I have been very excited about our upcoming move to a small town on the Eastern slope of Colorado. We have been living in Denver for the past three years and love it here, but he has received an unbelievable offer to work in Montrose, CO,  and we feel that we cannot turn it down.

Our days are now spent listing all the ways our lives will change for the better in Montrose. The name of our future town has become for us a short-hand for all of our hopes, dreams, and New Year’s resolutions. We will eat better and exercise in Montrose. We will have a dishwasher! We will be able to hang our clothes out to dry, instead of using the energy wasting dryer. We will have a yard for our old dog to run freely in (without annoying any cranky neighbors). We will finally buy bikes and be able to ride them in town without worrying about getting run over! We will hike! We will ski! We may try out fly fishing! We will bake our own bread! And most importantly, we will have an amazing garden and start canning an preserving our harvest for the winter months!

Life will be perfect in Montrose!

Now, I’m not flaky: I am ever the tiresome realist. I know that moving is not a panacea for all our shortcomings and that each of these changes will take conscious effort on our part. It’s just hard not to let our excitement propel us forward through the short, dark days of winter, when we get up before the sun does. After we got over all the anxiety about moving from a great city, which offers tons of culture and bustle, restaurants and parks, we began to see all the positives.

We won’t have to fight traffic ever again! We will have the opportunity to have as much land as we want along with a nicely sized house for the same money that would limit us to a two bedroom house with nary a yard in Denver. We will have a two car garage again to keep snow off our cars. We will have a country garden, with tomatoes, herbs, and all sorts of veggies and fruit trees, without having neighbors fighting us for gardening space. The list goes on and on. For every worry that we have, there are several reasons why this move is an opportunity of a lifetime for us.

Enter the Hobby Farm dream. It turns out there are a collection of Popular Farm magazines about every aspect of living off the land on a “hobby farm.” A hobby farm derives its name from the fact that you won’t be able to make any real money off of your animals and produce. You will be able to provide for yourself, and sell a bit of the extra, but it ain’t gonna make you rich or even support you as a sole income.
I’ve been devouring the pages of these magazines, dreaming of all the ways I can expand my skills and interests to cultivate a gigantic vegetable garden and even have cute little farm animals! This isn’t so far fetched for me. I spent summers on my godfather’s farm, and even though he didn’t have any animals other than ponies, my neighbor friends did.

Our husband and wife comedy routine commences daily as I show him pics of heritage farm animals and say, “Get ready, babe, we’re gonna have chickens next year.” And he responds, “Like hell, we are!”
He just doesn’t see it yet. But he’ll come around. I’m kidding, I know I haven’t the discipline to shovel animal manure and chicken droppings every day - but I like to stretch my imagination to try the idea on for size once in a while. Lord knows he does the same thing. His latest dream, after we plant the orchard and the grapes for making our own wine, is olives. He’d love to find a strain of olives that would actually grow in Colorado and make his own olive oil. Now who’s the crazy one!

Anyway, the real reason for this long post is my disbelief, after looking at all the cute pics of farm animals, that anyone would actually want to eat them! The magazine boasts the docile, friendly, and loving nature of these animals, and in the same breath mentions how tasty their meat is! I know you’re not supposed to name them and all that, but for me that would be the whole point. I wouldn’t want cute black pigs, and funny goats for meat, but for outdoor pets! To give me a laugh and brighten my day and remind me that there is beauty and life in this world outside of my head.

So then why is it okay for me to eat fish and cute little lobsters (which purportedly hold claws with each other and mate for life!)? I’ll leave that for all to ponder and perhaps answer it in the future because this post has become so long it might grow it’s own feathers and fur! Just let me leave you with the knowledge that I’m not entirely bothered by the idea that it might be hypocritical to eat some living creatures and not others. I never said I was perfect.

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I’ve been struggling lately with getting my life on track in all the important areas, eating, exercise, weight management, finances, organization, clutter management, car maintenance, etc, etc, etc. I have the unfortunate habit of letting things go (and not in the good way, as in letting go of stress and anxieties, but in the bad way, as in letting things spiral into chaos).

So when I found this in my email, it truly brightened my day:
I lost 100 pounds and found hope

It came in my SparkPeople updates email. If you haven’t heard of SP, you might want to check it out!

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As I mentioned yesterday in my Marriage Monday post, I’m planning to start a Clutterers Anonymous meeting in Denver. I’ve just sent for the literature and I’m very excited about it.

Growing up in the family I did, I’ve learned that it can be a slippery slope from clutterer to hoarder. I don’t believe I’ll ever end up with full-fledged Compulsive Hoarder Syndrome, but I’ve still got some issues to overcome in order to live a balanced, healthy life.

Following are the affirmations which are recited in CLA meetings. I’m planning to start exploring and writing about them one by one.

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I am a firm believer that life is neither wonderful, nor horrible, happy, nor sad; it is each of those things, simultaneously, in every waking and sleeping moment on Earth. 

I am a believer that I cannot control my thoughts, that they will sometimes tip toward the side of happiness and joy and sometimes toward hopelessness and despair, despite my intentional efforts. 

I am a believer that I can, however, practice techniques which help me to live in the moment, instead of dwelling in the past or the future, and to release the hold that the tide of my thinking has on my emotions. 

I believe that realizing and accepting that life is, in every moment, both beautiful and terrible, awe-inspiring and ugly, generous and unfair,  is essential for peace and recovery.

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Hey y’all. I have lots to catch up on on this three-day 4th of July weekend. As I’ve said, I had to go back to California for another week to help out with my mother’s house. The experience has been life changing and a great bonding experience for my whole family. Now it’s great to be back at home chilling with my husband and our dog. 

Here is a little example of the kind of stuff we did while we were in Cali - several before and after shots of the kitchen (the before pics were taken during the day and the after pics at night):

Enjoy your 4th of July weekend!

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Okay, okay, okay. I’ve been meaning to fill you in about why I haven’t been posting for weeks. My family is currently in the process of getting my mother help for her compulsive hoarding. My husband and I, both of my sisters, and the older sister’s husband and four kids, went out to California to visit with each other and to assist mom with getting organized. I hadn’t seen my older sister since my wedding two years ago!

Well, when we got there, it quickly became apparent that the situation was way worse than some of us had realized. Not only was my mother’s apartment full to the point that one could not walk freely in it or sit on or sleep in any of the furniture, she also has filled several garages and storage facilities with stuff.

On to the next plan: Killing the Hoard Beast

This has involved me extending the first leg of my trip several extra days (while my husband came back to Denver alone) and then returning for the last week of July (I leave in 2 days) and for my oldest sister’s family to stay out in California several weeks longer than they had originally planned. 

And difficult as this process is, we have grown closer together as a family and manage the most poignant moments with a dose of humor. For instance, as we were driving to mom’s house for the first day of cleaning I was trying to find a way to describe how bad the conditions have become - I go home to mom’s every Christmas, but he had only been there once three years ago - when I came up with a perfect analogy.

My mom’s house is like the Swamp of Sadness in The Neverending Story. You cannot let it get you down or you will lose all hope and be unable to move forward. It is no wonder that compulsive hoarding and depression go hand in hand.

I did a little Internet research to determine if the swamp is called the Swamp of Sadness or Despair (I’m still not entirely certain) and I stumbled upon a website that does a Jungian analysis of the movie:

Atreyu did not enter the Swamp of Sadness alone, he rode on Ortex, his trusted white horse. The horse, friend of his youth, did not make it through the Swamp of Sadness. Ortex was overcome with grief which lead him to a state of immobility. Without movement he became stuck, slowly sinking to the depths of the swamp. “For whoever let the sadness overtake them would sink into the swamp.” (Petersen/Weigel)….Atreyu pleaded for the life of Ortex, “I understand it’s too difficult for you. Fight against the sadness, you have to try. You have to care. You have to move or you will die.”(Petersen/Weigel) A sad or fearful experience is often that which initially propels a person onward to self discovery. It is this experience which makes people aware of the weaknesses and frailties within ourselves which need to be confronted….It is in a Swamp of Sadness where many also get stuck and go no further.

~ Jungian Interpretation - Noel Clark

Oh, what memories of childhood tears that scene evokes! 

But, the truth is, coming up with that analogy actually helps the sadness, despair, and hopelessness that mom’s house can evoke to dissipate. 

My sisters and I have started a private blog post pictures, to post before, during, and after photos, and to allow a little bit of humor to get us through this overwhelming and unending process.

More to come….

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Wow! I blink my eyes and weeks have passed since I last posted. It’s been so long that I’ve begun to develop anxiety about posting again. It all started when I worked some extra hours at work. Then we acquired ants in the kitchen and I was battling them for days! Then the weather was bad here in Denver, a snow storm that cut out our Internet for a couple of days. Then, I started to develop carpal tunnel like pain in my arm and gave up knitting and typing for a while. Then there was the funk I was in. I get those from time to time. Finally, my husband bought me a terrific book (which I’ll post about soon) which inspired me to go to the library and bring home a giant stack of books to read…instead of writing myself.

Well, I think those are all the reasons for my absence. Since I’ve been gone, we’ve been doing some exciting things, though.We are still trying new grains and new greens in the kitchen. I wish I could say that my house was getting cleaned and organized during this time, but it’s been two steps forward, one step back with that area of my life. We invited friends over to grill with us and I cleaned voraciously. I managed to get through a very, very large pile of mail that has plagued our dining room, organized and stack them neatly in a box that could be hidden away when company comes, but when I lifted the box a day later, the bottom fell out and the mail is now in a nasty heap on the floor of the sun room. But, I’m making an effort, and that’s all I can do really. Move forward one step at a time. 

There is another excitement in my house these days. We are growing heirloom vegetables from seed and our seedlings are sprouting and growing strong! My husband and I literally sit and stare at them, maybe not for hours, but for a surprisingly long time! 

So, there you have it. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. I’ll try to catch up. Pictures of things we’ve cooked, the book Tim bought me, and the seedling we are growing are forthcoming.

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Image via New York Times, Feb. 22, Fashion & Style

A couple of weeks ago my husband passed me an article from the New York Times (Martha, Oprah … Gwyneth?) as we relaxed together that evening. He likes to show me articles that he thinks I’ll be interested in to turn me on to the Sunday New York Time. I do share his joy over the the Sunday paper, it’s just that, these days, I’ve usually got stacks and stacks of books which I’m trying to get through for my blog….These things take time.

Anyway, I have ambiguous feelings about Gwyneth Paltrow, which have recently swung towards the positive end since I finally rented Sylvia from the library. Her performance was so good, I couldn’t help but have warm feelings toward her, despite her many differences from me (I just like to relate to people). 

And yet, I shy away from people who are born privileged with the slender physique that money can buy. People who have homes in the Hamptons and London and talk about the Kabbala, fasting and detoxification, and such New Agey stuff as “the Inner Aspect.” 

Here’s how the Times introduced her new website:

The enterprise attracting the most media sniping right now? Goop.com, a lifestyle Web site and e-mail introduced in September that hits subscribers’ in-boxes on Thursdays with tips like “police your thoughts” and “eliminate white foods.” The site’s name is derived from Ms. Paltrow’s initials, and its slogan, “Nourish the Inner Aspect,” positions it deeply in the New Age realm. 

As the current model for Tod’s, the Italian luxury brand, she looks at home lounging around like Grace Kelly — outdoorsy and to the manner born. It seems that despite several lowbrow films, an aura of pleasant and tasteful hauteur remains. So why is she suddenly on TV giving dieting and fitness tips, backing a gym, writing a cookbook and an online newsletter full of shopping advice, kabbalistic musings and discussion of the Master Cleanse?

See? You would think I would hate that! My husband had fun reading aloud snippets from the NYT criticism and from her website itself and we chuckled over it together, but when he was at work, late the next day, I found myself sneaking onto her site (and then telling him about it later for a laugh.) 

And although she’s been criticized for her recommended reading list (which was compared to a high school reading list) and for her banana nut muffin recipe - “Does the world really need another banana muffin recipe?” asks Beth Wareham, in the NYT article. (Actually, I haven’t yet noticed said muffin recipe. There was a recipe for buckwheat and banana pancakes, which I found interesting because they lacked milk and eggs - and because the buckwheat crépes I’ve had at our favorite Crépere are really good!) And even though her travel sections firmly espouse a certain class level of which I’m not a part, as when recommends places to eat and stay in Paris and talks about being taken there by her father for a weekend getaway when she was a kid. And even though her holiday shopping guide include things like women’s watches for over $1,000 - well despite all that, I still kind of like it!

I like it’s simplicity (and yes, it has been compared to Real Simple magazine). The layout and photographs are calming. Her food sections are really my favorite and give me the hope that someday I’ll enjoy cooking for my family - which is the premise of a new cookbook she is working on. Most of all, her menu for a one week detox (something I don’t actually believe in) provides a healthier alternative to the fasting that is so popular and actually looks good! I’m not a dieter, but I’m always longing to find something which will inspire me to break out of my bad habits and make me feel clean and fresh and energized so that I can begin to live a healthier lifestyle from now and into the future. 

So check it out and tell me what you think of it.

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I’ve been bad again, not blogging the way I thought I would when I started this adventure. And the day is so incredibly sunny, so unbelievable, that part of me wanted to feel upset about the state of my house. This should be a day where I open up every window and let the air flow through my sparkling domain. But it ain’t gonna happen today, and I’m not going to allow myself to get upset about it. Yes, that part keeps tugging at me: that part of me that is embarrassed and feels guilty about the pile of dishes, the insane pile of mail, the shoes that are overtaking every inch of the downstairs, the crumby, spilled-upon countertops, the fact that I’ve not mopped my kitchen floor once since we’ve moved in. Not once! (We’ll talk more about that in another post.)

I’m not going to bother being upset by the way air flowing through the house might just be spreading the dust and filth around. Anyway, it’s bad. The house is bad. I couldn’t possibly entertain a guest that might stop by - I’d have to grab my purse and recommend that we go down the street for coffee. And what if my landlord stops by to pick up her mail??? (The pieces of her mail that I have been collecting since Christmas! and that I can’t find because they’re spread out in numerous piles throughout the downstairs.) 

But I’m choosing to ignore all that, because I want to relax outside in this healing sunshine for awhile, and then I’ve got a ton of school work to do, so I’m not going to waste my day trying to  clean the awful, awful house. I’m hoping that after taking care of myself so beautifully and getting some schoolwork done, I’ll be able to pour a glass of wine this evening, turn up the music and tackle the house once more. 

And here is the reason why that just might work: This is the first day my husband has been on call for a couple of months, meaning he’s not coming home tonight, meaning, I can have an unconventional, answer-to-nobody-but-myself day today. I can eat cottage cheese and fruit for dinner and then tackle the dish pile, instead of making more dishes by cooking. So, I choose to have hope today - that I will get to the bottom of it all eventually - just not right at this moment - when the breezy  air is tinkling in my neighbors wooden wind chimes and  it feels like a day to be spent poolside - at the beginning of March!

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Part One

Having studied Linguistics, I’m not often offended by any single word. Words simply exist. And yet, context and history often do combine to load words with unpleasant connotations. Take the word housewife. I have put it in the title of my blog and still, I cringe when I hear it. Perhaps I feel I can claim this word  because I also work part-time in and out of the home and feel that I use it ironically in this new millennium.  I’m not yet a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom), I’m not a very good homemaker, and somehow, SAHW (stay-at-home-wife) bothers me most of all. I think there will always be debates over these words.

For commentary on the use of housewife vs. SAHM vs. homemaker, check out lilsugar.com - Tell Mommy: Does the Term “Housewife” Offend You?

Part Two

Image via The Median Sib

In my last post, I wrote the first of many posts on marriage. For a fun article on “Marrying One’s Self” check out Sexy in Van City, a blog by several 30-something gals living in Vancouver, BC. Enjoy yesterday’s post by Kittyn:  A la French Maid! 1950s House Wife Cleans The Home… the sexy way, in which she describes her transition from dating herself in 2008, to marrying herself in 2009. Gone will be the cluttered home, piles of clothes, rotting leftovers, (sinks full of dishes, if she’s anything like me) as she uses healthy, homemade cleaning products (baking soda, vinegar, and lavender oil) and gets dressed up in a fun, feminine costume, turning on the tunes and considering it a workout. 

I enjoyed Kittyn’s post immensely and it has provoked a lot of self-reflection. I find it a wise revelation in many ways. First, one must value herself before she can expect to be valued by a man (or partner). And second, it echos the sentiment of of homemaking in general. When we “nest,” or “home-make,” or “play house,” we are creating a pleasant environment for our loved ones (spouse, children, family) and for our selves to live happily and stress free in a hectic world.

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